Browsing Quotes, page 36
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My obsession with serial killers began when I was ten years old. My fourth-grade teacher told our class that we should never hitchhike, because the only people who picked up hitchhikers were perverted serial killers. This advice was complicated by what my fifth-grade teacher told us the following year; she said that we would all have driver’s licenses in a few years, and the one rule we always needed to remember was never to pick up hitchhikers. This was because all hitchhikers were serial killers. According to what I learned in public school, every person on every freeway was trolling for destruction. i used to imagine nomadic, sadistic drifters thumbing rides with bloodthirsty Volkswagen owners, both desperately waiting for the first opportunity to kill each other. Hitchhiking seemed like an ultraviolent race against time.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 9:16 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
For the past twenty-five years, culture has been obsessed with making males and females more alike, and that’s fine. Maybe it’s even enlightened. But what I’ve noticed – at least among young people – is that this convergence has mostly just prompted females to adopt the worst qualities of men. It’s like girls are trying to attain equality by becoming equally shallow and selfish. Whenever I see TV shows like Fox’s defunct Ally McBeal or HBO’s Sex and the City, I find myself perplexed as to how this is sometimes viewed as an “advancement” for feminism; it seems to imply that it’s empowering for women to think like all of the stupidest men I know (myself included).
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 5:11 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Most people consider forgetting stuff to be a normal part of living. However, I see it as a huge problem; in a way, there’s nothing I fear more. The strength of your memory dictates the size of your reality. And since objective reality is fixed, all we can do is try to experience – to consume – as much of that fixed reality as possible. This can only be done by living in the moment (which I never do) or by exhaustively fling away former moments for later recall (which I do all the time).
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 5:07 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Science fiction tends to be philosophy for stupid people.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 5:04 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
As I look back at the best years of my life, I find myself wondering if maybe I wasn’t unconsciously conditioned to exist somewhere in the middle of two better stories, caught between the invention of the recent past and the valor of the coming future.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 5:02 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
I once knew a girl who claimed to have a recurring dream about a polar bear that mauled Ewoks; it made me love her.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 5:00 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
I didn’t care about Saved by the Bell any more than I cared about the X-Files, but the difference is that I could watch Saved by the Bell without caring and still have it become a minor part of my life, which is the most transcendent thing any kind of art can accomplish (regardless of its technical merits).
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 19 Sep 2009 at 4:59 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Coolness is always a bear market.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 7:17 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
The tangible effect of pornography is roughly the same as the tangible effect of Ozzy Osbourne’s music on stoned Midwestern teenagers: It prompts a small faction of idiots to consider idiotic impulses, which is why we have the word 'idiocy.’
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 7:15 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
This is why men need to become obsessed with things: It’s an extroverted way to pursue solipsism. We are able to study something that defines who we are; therefore, we are able to study ourselves. Do you know people who insist they like “all kinds of music”? That actually means they like no kinds of music. And do you know guys who didn’t care who won when the Celtics played the Lakers? That means they never really cared about anything.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:47 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Americans have become conditioned to believe the world is a gray place without absolutes; this is because we’re simultaneously cowardly and arrogant. We don’t know the answers, so we assume they must not exist. But they do exist. They are unclear and/or unfathomable, but they’re out there.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:16 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Being interesting has been replaced by being identifiable.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:14 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Perhaps more than anything else, this is the ultimate accomplishment of The Real World: It has validated the merits of having a one-dimensional personality. In fact, it has made that kind of persona desirable, because other one-dimensional personalities can more easily understand you.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:11 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Clearly, video technology cages imagination; it offers interesting information to use, but it implies that all peripheral information is irrelevant and off-limits. Computers make children advance faster, but they also make them think like computers.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:09 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Everybody is wrong about everything, just about all the time.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:07 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
People just have no clue about their genuine nature. I have countless friends who describe themselves as “cynical,” and they’re all wrong. True cynics would never classify themselves as such, because it would mean that they know their view of the world is unjustly negative; despite their best efforts at being grumpy, a self-described cynic is secretly optimistic about normal human nature. Individuals who are truly cynical will always insist they’re pragmatic.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:06 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Every relationship is a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:04 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
In and of itself, nothing really matters. What matters is that nothing is ever “in and of itself.”
Speaker: Chuck KlostermanSource: Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa PuffsPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 5:03 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
Success is like reaching an important birthday and finding you’re exactly the same.
Speaker: Audrey HepburnPosted: 17 Sep 2009 at 10:58 AMComments: None... Be the first to comment! -
The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have too little.
Speaker: Franklin D. RooseveltPosted: 16 Sep 2009 at 8:33 PMComments: None... Be the first to comment!
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